Seven green flags, ranked by a sponge
None of them involve a grand gesture. Most of them involve a calendar.
Red flags get all the attention. They're dramatic and they make good stories. Green flags are quieter. They mostly look like someone being a functional adult on purpose. Here are the seven the committee looks for, in order.
7. They can laugh at a quiz about sponges
If someone takes this test, gets denied, and immediately retakes it to get approved, that's a great sign. If they write us an angry email, that's also very informative.
6. They text like a person
A clear answer, some warmth, sent the same day it was needed. Nobody needs perfectly crafted messages. They need a reply to “home safe?” before they fall asleep.
5. They ask a follow-up question
You mention you're into bouldering, or sourdough, or a very specific kind of crossword. They say, “Wait, how does that work?” That's the whole flag. It's rarer than it should be.
4. They apologize without a sequel
“You're right, I'm sorry” is a complete sentence. If the apology comes with a second act explaining why you were the real problem, it wasn't an apology. It was a closing argument.
3. They notice the dishes
Without a reminder, a chore chart, or a speech afterward. The sponge feels strongly about this one, for obvious professional reasons.
2. They're nice to the server
Not performatively. Not with a story about how they used to wait tables. Just nice. You'll learn more from how someone treats the person carrying the plates than from an hour of eye contact.
1. They make a plan with a day in it
“We should hang out sometime” is a weather forecast. “Thursday at seven, the taco place on Valencia” is a plan. A plan is the most attractive thing a person can send you, and it costs nothing.
The bar is on the floor.
Your mattress shouldn't be.
Your list is probably different, and it should be. The vet-someone test lets you pick the three things you actually care about and send them to someone.